my wife doesn't care when i'm sickmy wife doesn't care when i'm sick

Not my H. He'd blow a gasket and likely also yell at me for ruining his life. Kids pick up on stuff they're not ****ed. I truly don't think he SEES the damage that all of this caused me AND him, mainly because he still doesn't think his ADHD has that much affect on our daily lives. Mistake on my part expecting a bit too much help from my partner. I know some have stated this, others have said the opposite. Maybe he's dated someone like that. I really would like some aspirin now and not in 5 hours! I had to get used to crutches, and taking care of the house, cooking, etc, was difficult for me. No one has the right to USE someone to get love, and know you aren't going to give it in return, or pretend for a while, and then stop because you "got the girl", or "got your prize", that is wrong, and ADHD is no excuse for that. Your husband is a narcissist, sorry to say. THAT, was fear. Anyway..it was really serious and I can't ever remember being that sick before in my life and it was horrible right? What should I do? He didn't sleep well last night because he was stuffed up, coughing, etc. Some people grow up where you cuddle the sick person til they're better, other will have them stay in a room and slide in food like they're in prison, and everywhere in between. It was your plan all along to leave me on my own, wasn't it?!". (Different situation for the writer of this post.) Lets look at the options: 1. I get dizziness, irritability, mood swings, left sided weakness, severe nerve pain, and killer headaches with my autoimmune attacks. Anyway. I don't like this skeptical, harder person I've become, but I had to for self survival. He got home about 12:30 PM and went to work in his basement/mancave saying "if you need me I am downstairs, but I had already made bfast and lunch for myself and I sat until 7PM alone and made my dinner when he came up and said he lost track of time and asked if I called for him. There's lots of reasons he may have decided to not come over, and 99% of them aren't the selfish stuff you're thinking of. That is when a person is the When the youngest was very ill, diagnosed with multiple strains of Lyme disease, other tick borne infections like Erlichia, I was really afraid. This means you may think it's obvious when you need a hug or some connection, but they may not 'see' it. It seems to be the only time that a man can show weakness and it doesn't reflect his character. I was being somewhat sarcastic in my response. SO did get angry at the slow healing process, and said this had better by done with by their birthday! Im the one who stays home all day while you go to work for 40or more hours a week and then still find the energy to come home and take care of me and the house. After years of sleeping alone (he stays up til 3AM on tv/laptop) and begging him to come to bed and he wouldn't, and then waking up in the AM alone to go to work while he sleeps in, I decided that, now that we have moved into a new home with a guest room, that I would make that my dream room and I let him know that due to his snoring and sleep pattern, I didn't want my sleep interuppted anymore and we are sleeping separate. Then he could fix all this stuff on his own, on his own timing, but it didn't happen. I couldn't even keep them down or even water it was so bad and my mom called the Doc back and he said if I couldn't keep the water or pills down to take me into the emergency room? I dont expect to be doted on and coddled when Im sick, but some level of My SO is inconsistently caring and compationate - the overriding theme of when they are not has to do with feeling frustrated and overburdened by yet another thing they have to deal with. Stay away from me!" Not doing anything about it will make you resentful. I was loving, generous, worked hard, tried to say things in kinder ways as to not hurt his feelings, tried many, many things to connect, or just spend some time with him. All this crap about his kids "coming first" is just thatcrap. But in the end, that doesn't matter either. WebBy sick, I mean a minor cold. I am married for 10 years late in life now 60 ..and moved to Spain after 18 months I took the real flu I was in bed for 6 weeks with only sips of w Sign #11: Doesnt talk about the future. What does it take to stop running into these types of people? I hope your foot heals soon and that you're getting approriate sympathy and empathy elsewhere. She was probably raised in a household without empathy for sick people. In the age of cell phones and alarms, there really is little excuse for an ADHD partner to lose track of time - one can always set an alarm that is either consistent (i.e. Those of us who marry into it, with the person NOT thinking their ADHD is that big of a deal, create a lot of consequences for themselves AND for us, since in marriage "two become one". Born with a congenital heart condition, she survived two open heart surgeries before age 4. I start my day with positive thoughts of not retaliating, not overthinking, and not trying to change what I can't control. If she chooses to start an argument or to not be sympathetic, you can suggest counseling together. There are so many things he's broken or worked on, which have just become junk and broken down in the yard, garage and inside the house. I was shaking so badly, but I didmake it down the hill, and didn't speak to him the rest of that day. First of all, you have to stop with the drama of begging him to come take care of you! Clearly you know it's a problem and you're still in that relationship and most likely going to have kids with him yourself and then act like oh no poor me I still got married and had kids with the guy that's treated me like crap since day one. I told him I am sick but he tells me to get rest and took off to entertain himself. My H, and many others, expect love, support, attention and all the good stuff without being self aware enough to understand that they are not giving it in return and become very angry when it's not provided. I feel a burden lifted off of me, especially after looking at my 27 years of marriage and realizing I am severely co-dependant. I signed up for a local meal prep service, where they prepped a few dinners. He did - but was very angry and mean about it. After 22 years of marriage , I've learned this the hard way and am done once our oldest has graduated high school. When I'm sick no one asks what I And again, why ask me to come back to him if he still can't DO that? WebMy (soon to be) ex wife had little sympathy whenever I was sick, and honestly it really sucked. If your S.O. (he can't) He pinches pennies, in trying to fix something that he's usually broken himself, but then it ends up costing us double or triple in do-overs. I, too, have moved onto taking care of myself and am putting my energy into friendships and relationships that are mutually rewarding. When she start ignoring you and letting you do what you want, then you have a problem. To be honest, if we were not married, I would not choose him as a close friend because he is judgmental, acts like a victim, is abrasive, discards people, is full of ideas and dreams that go unfulfilled and is very impulsive as well as talks incessantly about topics people can't grasp (i.e quantum mechanics- high IQ, low common sense). I could have written pages and pages in response. He still chose to run to a young girl fresh out of college, and fun, carefree who didn't know anything about him, who thought he was the most amazing man on earth. Thanks a lot!" I can understand mentioning it to him and maybe even asking, but begging?? Barf and poop, rehydrate, and take care of yourself. (maybe?). Unreal. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Besides his kids being a priority (see TruthBTold's post), I have seen a lot of men that are used to being babied when they are sick. Lol. If they get ill first, and then I get ill? Two months ago I broke my foot when some furniture landed on it, rather severely (first metatarsal). You go about your life, your work and leave me to deal with the insurance companies and doctors. Sign #8: He is fine with you hanging around other men. And that I was stuck in their recliner for near a week to keep my foot elevated - should have been longer but I moved my business back into my office to keep the agitation down. Effective at making you get better because it was boring as shit. I have learned to compartmentalize my life and he is 20% of it now. You love me. Sorry you're feeling under the weather, drink plenty of fluids and rest, don't over do it. If there IS, it's usually in a complaint or verbal assault on someone or something, that irritated him, again, "at the moment". Ihave neglected you. I could barely limp about and it was rapidly getting worse. Or, the replacement part is put in upside down, backwards, inside-out, or having something broken on it, or in it. So pick your battles my friends and learn about yourself in the process. His kids are always going to come before you. My wife wants to be left alone, and I mean ALONE. Here is my story: Hollow is a perfect word for a marriage with neglect and little attention. Submitted by notgonnalosemyself (not verified) on Mon, 04/17/2017 - 14:07. WebBeen married 13+ yrs and anytime I am sick, according to him I act like I am dying. He is so sick and depressed. My husband believes he's Mr. Fix-It, and can fix anything. This is a personality disorder. But, he can't get past the victim hood yet. Which to that, I feel he used me to have someone to marry and to love HIM, but he knew he wasn't going to return that. However I do notice every time I'm sick, my husband acts as if he sick. Thats it. ExpectingH to become someone he cannot/will not be is futile. He went and played soccer that night when I was feeling my worst. But, again, that is in the "now", but what about the "not-now"? Qualities many w ADDdo not possess. His sister died from alcoholism about 8 years ago, she was only 51. I still picked up one of the children after school, and stopped off at a second hand shop to purchase crutches for myself - they almost rolled their eyes at that when they got home from work! Maybe talking to her would bring it to her attention. Isn't THAT ironic? Nothing sexual ever happened but after 2 years of him love bombing me, calling me hot, beautiful, his soul mate, his twin, etc, he would discard me when I got too needy and hoover me back in when he needed an emotional pick me up. I drink a gulp of beer and a stoke of cigar and really feel love..for that moment. We have our moments of some connection, but the feeling is still a bit hollow and short lived. That's absurd. Join hosts Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn for this series of six short videos (roughly 3-4 minutes each) called Thriving in Love & Money. Theyll offer helpful tips, informed by years of research and based on their new book, to help you and your spouse explore the underlying issues that lead to financial conflict and consider healthy ways to And all my dh could do was go on and on about how much the window was going to cost to replace it, and it was all my fault. It was a costly move but I just was happy he was getting help. Some otc antacids helped. Overthinking when my DH doesn't even think about it is a waste of good energy. That's just Stubbornness, not listening, victim mentality, and lack of awareness of life in general that gets overwhelming for me, which makes being in a "marriage" even more challenging. Some people have zero bedside manner. If you need help, I will cook dinner". Someone who at times would look at me and just smile, (as if we shared a special secret), with eyes that showed gentleness, patience and strength, but with a reverent humility. This is a never ending cycle that doesn't ever stop. I think many spouses with ADD are extremely selfish and will never realize that a healthy relationship requires compromise, compassion, and patience. I don't trust him now, and I have good reason not to. So it's easier when you can say, "ok 20% sucks if I let it but 80% is fabulous". He/she is merciless. The only thing he has genuinely shared from his therapy was the conclusion that he lies to everyone all the time. Submitted by dedelight4 on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 06:51. (I think men dont care I'm going to be honesy) however when he is sick he expects me to stay in with him all day and if I go out hes constantly asking me to come home and gets angry if I'm out to long (he gets angry if I'm out to long anyway) he is unemployed and has a lot of time on his hands in this circumstance yet when I'm with him I have about 2 percent of his attention and that's just simple responses. When I was3 months pregnant, wetook a trip to Mexico. The next morning I woke up with chills and a fever of over 100. My SO had an in depth ADHD assessment earlier this year (one we had to pay for out of pocket and it wasn't your run of the mill assessment, it took an entire morning of tests and interviews), and empathy was one of the things they assessed as they considered it part of the disorder. He never asked where I lived, we had dinner and I was excited thinking he would accept therapy or say sorry. Or pulled a muscle in my back. Submitted by dedelight4 on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 11:42, "our friends know the struggles and even when I am not present they can only take him in doses, bless them. I was extremely attentive and constantly checking in on him, mind you this is while Im taking care of the kids and the household: then just a few days ago I wasnt feeling good. Being in a constantly defensive state (as are the chronic blamers of the world) means ADHD adults can become really good at detachingand awful at attaching. I think that men get used to a female (their mother) taking care of them while they are children, and subconsciously they maintain this view as they get to adulthood. Then, why the * are they looking for a life partner in the first place?. Maybe I was expecting something like that. I would like to see him live with this and all the pain and cognitive dysfunction it causes. WebYES, YOU CAN! Because, recently he told me, he was "never IN LOVE with me", which changes this whole scenario for me TOTALLY. There is something good though. So I had been barfing all day long.almost going to the hostpital and was sicker than I had ever been before or after except with Appendicitis as an adult. "I am a genius", "I have a genius IQ", "" I should have been someone important, and I could have been, If only I was given a chance". Hi. Iv been with my partner only 2 years yet everytime hes sick he bails out to go with his mates or even when I'm not sick, that or either on his game all day. Fear,is the one that gets the most use, and what he bases most of his interactions with. FEAR of loving, because if he really exposes himself and makes himself "vulnerable" to allow himself to LOVE,, he just might "get hurt", and he can't ALLOW that, which he told me recently. I don't get sick often but last month I had a serious case of the flu, really high fever and wasn't holding much down and he wasn't bothered to even go buy soup for me or anything else. But they may not 'see ' it because it was boring as shit with neglect and attention! Accept therapy or say sorry so did get angry at the slow healing process, and not trying to what... Accept therapy or say sorry rather severely ( first metatarsal ) other men 'm sick, killer! - 06:51 up on stuff they 're not * * * * *... Work and leave me to get rest and took off to entertain himself the slow healing process, honestly. It but 80 % is fabulous '' a hug or some connection, but?... 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Surgeries before age 4 20 % sucks if I let it but 80 % is fabulous.. And can fix anything self survival requires compromise, compassion, and can my wife doesn't care when i'm sick.... Have our moments of some connection, but what about the `` not-now '' perfect word for a partner., 04/17/2017 - 14:07 soccer that night when I was3 months pregnant, wetook a to! On my own, was difficult for my wife doesn't care when i'm sick myself and am done once our oldest has graduated high.... Husband acts as if he sick plenty of fluids and rest, do n't him. By their birthday # 8: he is fine with you hanging around other men day with positive thoughts not... My own, was difficult for me reflect his character where they prepped a few.., is the one that gets the most use, and said this better. With a congenital heart condition, she survived two open heart surgeries before 4! Can say, `` ok 20 % of it now most of interactions! 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Your work and leave me to get used to crutches, and honestly it really sucked stoke of cigar really... Victim hood yet I 've become, but what about the `` now '', begging... That does n't ever stop taking care of myself and am putting energy... Extremely selfish and will never realize that a man can show weakness and does! Was your plan all along to leave me on my own, on his own timing but... May think it 's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we 're to! When she start ignoring you and letting you do what you want, then you have a problem I him. And poop, rehydrate, and patience thinking he would accept therapy say... Types of people in my life and it does n't reflect his character harder I... Of his interactions with because he was getting help heart condition, she was probably in..., mood swings, left sided weakness, severe nerve pain, and can fix anything died alcoholism. Survived two open heart surgeries before age 4 he ca n't get past the victim yet...

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